More Than Fine…

Paper or Plastic?

// October 22nd, 2009 // 89224 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/paper-or-plastic/Paper+or+Plastic%3F2009-10-22+11%3A21%3A27chrissulli // Uncategorized

A question for all my fellow bloggers:

Do you write your posts on the computer or on paper and then type them up?

For me, there is just something about pen and paper that sets my soul a little freer than a keyboard. Maybe it is the removal of distractions, but somehow it just feels right. However, I don’t really have a method. Some of my more honest posts have come via the keyboard.

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Trust or the lack there of

// October 20th, 2009 // 88913 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/trust-or-the-lack-there-of/Trust+or+the+lack+there+of2009-10-21+03%3A50%3A48chrissulli // Life

For whatever reason writing a blog post about trust is really difficult for me. I’m not sure why, since I don’t seem to have any problem writing blog comments about trust (You are all very welcome). Maybe it is because I don’t have a story to tell. Maybe it is because I don’t want to say something cliché.

But maybe it is because I just really don’t have people I trust. I trust God. I trust him enough to leave my job and head to the Dominican (is that really trust if it was a good trade for me?). I think I trust and love him more every day. I feel like every day he is poking and prodding my boundaries. “Would you do this for me?” he asks. “How about that?” Every day he seems to stretch my boundaries to the point where I’m really not sure where they are anymore. I’ve felt since Sunday that he advanced me from the pre-school to the PHD program of how much do you love me and what are you willing to do to serve me. It has been awesome in a he hasn’t made me do any of them yet but the next move could be crazier kind of way.

But back to people. There is a certain level of trust I have. I may or may not share more on this blog in public than some people share with good friends, but those are usually the things I’ve already dealt with, accepted or confessed. So we may be going into unchartered territory. There is a certain level of depth I let people get to… but ask me who my best friend is? ask me who I let speak into my life and criticize me? who my mentor is? who knows my deepest fears and darkest secrets? I don’t really have good answers for any of those questions. There is fear there. There are walls built up. Part of it is having reached out for those role models and mentors and being left grasping only air. Part of it is pride. Part of it is just always having felt different, like the things I believed in and were most important to me just weren’t the same as those around me. I think I always felt as out of place as a captain of the football team can, and maybe more so because of that. Because there were always things you were supposed to be and they just weren’t me. Not that I didn’t fake it at times. There was always something about the world, something about everything everyone told me mattered that rang hollow at the core of my soul.

I think at some point I just started doubting people. I just assumed they aren’t on the same wavelength as me. Everything become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Those crucial relationships never developed. When I reached out, it never seemed to work out. Maybe I was too normal. Maybe my cries weren’t loud enough. I never merited the attention, grace or love because what did I have to complain about? Everything looked cool on paper. I’m sure when people did reach out, I wasn’t the easiest nut to crack.

I love being able to support people as they step out in faith. I give them what I so desperately crave, not just the money they need to pursue their vision but the symbolic I’m in this with you. I believe in you. But as I stepped out in faith I didn’t find that. I found lots of words of support, but not a lot of action (to the growing number of people who are supporting me and our kids, thank you! you are amazing and beautiful!). But if you look at those who have chosen to take action, it was rarely those closest to me. It seemed those who heard the story were more passionate to help than those that actually know me well. If you look at who comments on this blog, you will find lots of amazing people, but you will rarely find friends or family that have met me in person. I don’t have a good explanation for that, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me.

So as one amazing young lady tries to burrow her way deeper and deeper into my life, I find myself doubting. Could anybody really be up for what God may have in store for my life? I find myself scared to do anything that might me put me in a position to hesitate when God calls. Where? I don’t know. I find myself scared to let people into my story, to trust them with my vision. I don’t want to compromise, but in the end it is God’s vision and not mine that matters anyway. I know it is only in community that we really grow. Our stories are meant to be lived together, but….

Now, what is community and how do we find it? Well, that is a post for another day.

To read more about Trust, check out the blog carnival at One Word at a Time.

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Peanut Butter and Jelly Theology

// October 19th, 2009 // 88812 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/peanut-butter-and-jelly-theology/Peanut+Butter+and+Jelly+Theology2009-10-20+00%3A45%3A23chrissulli // Faith, Life

Yesterday was a pretty amazing day. I won’t go in to it more since I’m just now writing today’s blog post at 8pm, but lets just say the wild goose was having fun with me. Among other things yesterday, I was reading Shane Claiborne’s book The Irresistible Revolution which deals a lot with poverty, authentically following Christ and living a life that seems completely irrational to the world like the early Church did (just read it if that didn’t make any sense). Anyway, after a passionate, soul moving day and that kind of reading, I ended up in an awkward position. I sat down to eat a snack before watching North Point online, and as I took the first bite, I cringed. Gross, raspberry jelly. I was faced with a dilemma. Do I eat it or throw it away?

Yep, that is my peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the garbage can missing one bite. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t eat it. I made myself another with strawberry jelly, yum. So what does that mean? I guess I could feel really lame about this, and maybe I should. Did I miss the point of everything I was reading? Would Jesus have sucked it up and eating that pb&j? Or maybe he would have changed the raspberry to his flavor of choice (he could do that you know). I could get defensive and ask who really would have benefited from my quiet suffering if I had eaten it. What would it have really accomplished? It isn’t like I had anybody to give it to. And maybe therein is what I should really be learning. If there is a story in the bible about Jesus eating alone, I missed it. He is pretty much always surrounded by people when he isn’t alone with His Father.

I don’t think the lesson is to not waste food. I don’t think what I need is to learn to share my food. I’m constantly giving food away here. But more often than not I’m eating alone and then giving that food away. There is nothing bad about that just like there is nothing bad about giving money to charity, donating used clothes, etc. but I feel like we are all missing something. We are missing the community we were designed for. We are missing out on being the Church. The hungry get fed. The naked get clothed. We feel good about helping out. Everybody is happy right? But we missed the personal interaction. There is an organization or 6 acting as the proxy between you and the person you are helping. We are missing the opportunity to break bread with people and by doing so break down walls between the haves and the have nots that don’t exist in Christ or in the capital c Church. We are missing out on just doing life with these people. We are missing out on being the Church.

I don’t know if this post makes any sense. It certainly isn’t at all what I intended it to be, but I feel this is a nice continuation of the randomness that this blog has been becoming. Hopefully that means it is a God thing because I’m not usually this weird (am I?). I don’t know what else to say other than I long for the day “helping the poor” is just sharing with your brother and sister. It is just natural. These are your friends, your family. I didn’t really even realize it until I started writing this but that is how I have grown to feel about our players. One might argue that I’ve become to desensitized to the poverty around me, but I’m not sure that is it. I think this has just become life and they have become my brothers.

I wish I had a great question to leave you with or a brilliant point to make in conclusion, but maybe I can make a challenge. Take a homeless person to lunch. Mentor a kid. Find a single mom to help out. But don’t do it as charity. Make them your family. I’m not even sure exactly what that means but I have this strange feeling it could change the world.

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Beautiful Noise

// October 18th, 2009 // 8719 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/beautiful-noise/Beautiful+Noise2009-10-18+13%3A10%3A58chrissulli // Uncategorized

Ever notice something but not sure what to learn from it? As I sit here on the roof at the mission house trying to find some white space and do some reading and journaling, I’m amazed by how many inputs we have. I flipped the light switch on as I walked up the stairs to the roof and watched as the light instantly faded the stars from my vision. I flipped the switch back and forth a couple times just to internalize and process the stark contrast. I didn’t really know what to make of the observation and as I sit here writing stream of conscious, maybe I’m still not.

When I sat down to write, I put in my headphones but as I got comfortable, one fell out. With one headphone dangling and the other resting snuggly in my ear, one filled with crickets and the other with Matt Redman, I was struck again by the contrast. The easy lesson lesson is we have too much “noise” in our lives, but right now I feel like the lesson is that we have choices. There is nothing wrong with the light and the ipod, nor the stars and crickets. Each is beautiful. Each is very different. Each has its time and place.

Maybe we just need to learn the things that are right for us, the things that bring us closest to God, makes us aware of his presence and put us in a position of worship but we also have to be wise enough to remember the beauty we’ve drowned out or turned off and know when to change things up and how to appreciate things other than the familiar.

Just some thoughts.

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The Man in the Back

// October 16th, 2009 // 8565 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/the-man-in-the-back/The+Man+in+the+Back2009-10-16+12%3A14%3A40chrissulli // Faith, Life

I think this is a great follow up to Tuesday’s post. It is nice to balance so many negative experiences with one of hope. Today’s post is a guest post by Annette Taylor. You can follow her @… (oh wait, Annette doesn’t twitter) or read her blog at www. (Annette doesn’t have a blog either). Alright then, you can find out what is on Annette’s mind exclusively here on More Than Fine… or you could ask her.

The Man in the Back by Annette Taylor

I tend to sit in the same area every Sunday at church. I like the back left section. I don’t know how it started, but that’s where I sit almost every Sunday. I noticed a man has been sitting in the back row near me for at least the past month or so, if not longer. Honestly, I first noticed him while we greeted each other at the beginning of a service about a month ago because he looked like he might be homeless. I don’t actually know if he is, but I gathered this from his appearance. I know I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but that really was my first thought. Once I saw him coming back week after week, I thought how amazing it was that he felt comfortable enough to come back and become a regular at our church. Our church always makes the “come as you are” claim and this was a real example of that acceptance. A few Sundays ago, something else about this man caught my attention. When the collection plate was passed around, he dropped in what I am assuming was all of the change he had. It blew me away. I wasn’t the only one who noticed. A friend sitting next to me mentioned it after the service. When someone gives all they have on them, not just 10% or their regular weekly offering, it amazes me and inspires me. She felt the same way. Last week, I noticed the same man by the front door when I was walking in to church. I said hello and then it hit me; he was standing by the door because he is now part of the group of men and women who greet people at our church. I was excited by this because it really showed that our church practices what we preach. We don’t want people to wait until we can afford “nice” clothes or look a certain way to come to church. We want people to be there just as they are because that’s how God wants us to be there. It’s not about our clothes, how much money we give, or anything else that matters in the end. What matters is that we are there to worship and I hope that I can live up to the example the man in the back of church sets every week.

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