More Than Fine…

Community

// April 6th, 2010 // 9511 Comment »http://www.chrissulli.com/community/Community2010-04-06+17%3A36%3A52chrissulli // Life

Some people want their space. They enjoy their privacy. I am not one of those people. I prefer to be surrounded. For some reason after college we decide living in community isn’t cool anymore. Having all your best friends in the same apartment, house or building, just isn’t what you are supposed to do anymore. You are supposed to go make your own way with 1 roommate at most. Live with two or more roommates and society will tell you need to grow up and that you aren’t living in a frat house house anymore (lets just pretend there aren’t economic and social benefits to having roommates).

And that is one of the reasons I loved my two week in New York for the New York City Urban Project (NYCUP). I loved NYCUP. I loved having 8-10 almost complete strangers around all the time growing together, challenging one another and just living and laughing together. Getting to hang out with this group of complete strangers every day was the most fun I have had in a long time. I felt like I was back in college. And it wasn’t just the high points that were memorable. It was all the in between moments when nothing was going on and boredom usually sets in, but we were still laughing, enjoying life and one another’s company.

Over the course of my two weeks in NYC our group of strangers was supporting one another, serving others, pursuing God and living the Gospel. And what could be better than that? I just have to wonder why life can’t look like that all the time.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed and leave a comment!

What do I want to be when I grow up?

// March 12th, 2010 // 9342 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/what-do-i-want-to-be-when-i-grow-up/What+do+I+want+to+be+when+I+grow+up%3F2010-03-12+18%3A50%3A27chrissulli // Life

The more people my age I talk to, the more I realize none of us know what we want to be when we grow up. I can’t really speak for whether that was or still is true of the generations that came before us, although, I would guess it is. What does differentiate our generation is not just our discontent with the rat race and the corporate ladder, but our willingness to reject it and find our own path. Our generation is turning to community service, philanthropy and social entrepreneurship to fill all the needs and desires that money, power and all the goodies that came along with them couldn’t fill. And while I’m excited to see my generation turn to things I consider to be more morally upright, I won’t we be surprised at all if they find their new pursuits equally unfulfilling in the end. So I just have to wonder when we will stop turning to things of this world and start turning to God.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed and leave a comment!

My Illusion of Security

// March 10th, 2010 // 9326 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/my-illusion-of-security/My+Illusion+of+Security2010-03-10+13%3A23%3A00chrissulli // Faith, Life

The last few days have provoked a lot of thought and thankfully a little writing (finally!). One of the most striking acknowledgements has been that of my own mortality. Not through any tragedies or close calls but just through the stories and testimonies of others. Somehow having avoided almost all tragedy or drama in life, the possibility of anything going wrong or of my human frailty seem foreign. But in a talk by Os Guinness today, it struck me that our security is an illusion that can be pulled out from under us at any moment. So while my soul is secure in Christ, my Earthly security is a house of cards and my faith comes with no promises of a long and peaceful life. Rather than causing fear or concern, I feet encouraged. “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27:1) I have a keen awareness today that we don’t have any idea how much time we have left and we need to live every moment to the fullest. What the fullest means and what stewardship requires is a ponderance for another today. Don’t wait for tomorrow for tomorrow may never come.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed and leave a comment!

Trust or the lack there of

// October 20th, 2009 // 88913 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/trust-or-the-lack-there-of/Trust+or+the+lack+there+of2009-10-21+03%3A50%3A48chrissulli // Life

For whatever reason writing a blog post about trust is really difficult for me. I’m not sure why, since I don’t seem to have any problem writing blog comments about trust (You are all very welcome). Maybe it is because I don’t have a story to tell. Maybe it is because I don’t want to say something cliché.

But maybe it is because I just really don’t have people I trust. I trust God. I trust him enough to leave my job and head to the Dominican (is that really trust if it was a good trade for me?). I think I trust and love him more every day. I feel like every day he is poking and prodding my boundaries. “Would you do this for me?” he asks. “How about that?” Every day he seems to stretch my boundaries to the point where I’m really not sure where they are anymore. I’ve felt since Sunday that he advanced me from the pre-school to the PHD program of how much do you love me and what are you willing to do to serve me. It has been awesome in a he hasn’t made me do any of them yet but the next move could be crazier kind of way.

But back to people. There is a certain level of trust I have. I may or may not share more on this blog in public than some people share with good friends, but those are usually the things I’ve already dealt with, accepted or confessed. So we may be going into unchartered territory. There is a certain level of depth I let people get to… but ask me who my best friend is? ask me who I let speak into my life and criticize me? who my mentor is? who knows my deepest fears and darkest secrets? I don’t really have good answers for any of those questions. There is fear there. There are walls built up. Part of it is having reached out for those role models and mentors and being left grasping only air. Part of it is pride. Part of it is just always having felt different, like the things I believed in and were most important to me just weren’t the same as those around me. I think I always felt as out of place as a captain of the football team can, and maybe more so because of that. Because there were always things you were supposed to be and they just weren’t me. Not that I didn’t fake it at times. There was always something about the world, something about everything everyone told me mattered that rang hollow at the core of my soul.

I think at some point I just started doubting people. I just assumed they aren’t on the same wavelength as me. Everything become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Those crucial relationships never developed. When I reached out, it never seemed to work out. Maybe I was too normal. Maybe my cries weren’t loud enough. I never merited the attention, grace or love because what did I have to complain about? Everything looked cool on paper. I’m sure when people did reach out, I wasn’t the easiest nut to crack.

I love being able to support people as they step out in faith. I give them what I so desperately crave, not just the money they need to pursue their vision but the symbolic I’m in this with you. I believe in you. But as I stepped out in faith I didn’t find that. I found lots of words of support, but not a lot of action (to the growing number of people who are supporting me and our kids, thank you! you are amazing and beautiful!). But if you look at those who have chosen to take action, it was rarely those closest to me. It seemed those who heard the story were more passionate to help than those that actually know me well. If you look at who comments on this blog, you will find lots of amazing people, but you will rarely find friends or family that have met me in person. I don’t have a good explanation for that, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me.

So as one amazing young lady tries to burrow her way deeper and deeper into my life, I find myself doubting. Could anybody really be up for what God may have in store for my life? I find myself scared to do anything that might me put me in a position to hesitate when God calls. Where? I don’t know. I find myself scared to let people into my story, to trust them with my vision. I don’t want to compromise, but in the end it is God’s vision and not mine that matters anyway. I know it is only in community that we really grow. Our stories are meant to be lived together, but….

Now, what is community and how do we find it? Well, that is a post for another day.

To read more about Trust, check out the blog carnival at One Word at a Time.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed and leave a comment!

Peanut Butter and Jelly Theology

// October 19th, 2009 // 88812 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/peanut-butter-and-jelly-theology/Peanut+Butter+and+Jelly+Theology2009-10-20+00%3A45%3A23chrissulli // Faith, Life

Yesterday was a pretty amazing day. I won’t go in to it more since I’m just now writing today’s blog post at 8pm, but lets just say the wild goose was having fun with me. Among other things yesterday, I was reading Shane Claiborne’s book The Irresistible Revolution which deals a lot with poverty, authentically following Christ and living a life that seems completely irrational to the world like the early Church did (just read it if that didn’t make any sense). Anyway, after a passionate, soul moving day and that kind of reading, I ended up in an awkward position. I sat down to eat a snack before watching North Point online, and as I took the first bite, I cringed. Gross, raspberry jelly. I was faced with a dilemma. Do I eat it or throw it away?

Yep, that is my peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the garbage can missing one bite. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t eat it. I made myself another with strawberry jelly, yum. So what does that mean? I guess I could feel really lame about this, and maybe I should. Did I miss the point of everything I was reading? Would Jesus have sucked it up and eating that pb&j? Or maybe he would have changed the raspberry to his flavor of choice (he could do that you know). I could get defensive and ask who really would have benefited from my quiet suffering if I had eaten it. What would it have really accomplished? It isn’t like I had anybody to give it to. And maybe therein is what I should really be learning. If there is a story in the bible about Jesus eating alone, I missed it. He is pretty much always surrounded by people when he isn’t alone with His Father.

I don’t think the lesson is to not waste food. I don’t think what I need is to learn to share my food. I’m constantly giving food away here. But more often than not I’m eating alone and then giving that food away. There is nothing bad about that just like there is nothing bad about giving money to charity, donating used clothes, etc. but I feel like we are all missing something. We are missing the community we were designed for. We are missing out on being the Church. The hungry get fed. The naked get clothed. We feel good about helping out. Everybody is happy right? But we missed the personal interaction. There is an organization or 6 acting as the proxy between you and the person you are helping. We are missing the opportunity to break bread with people and by doing so break down walls between the haves and the have nots that don’t exist in Christ or in the capital c Church. We are missing out on just doing life with these people. We are missing out on being the Church.

I don’t know if this post makes any sense. It certainly isn’t at all what I intended it to be, but I feel this is a nice continuation of the randomness that this blog has been becoming. Hopefully that means it is a God thing because I’m not usually this weird (am I?). I don’t know what else to say other than I long for the day “helping the poor” is just sharing with your brother and sister. It is just natural. These are your friends, your family. I didn’t really even realize it until I started writing this but that is how I have grown to feel about our players. One might argue that I’ve become to desensitized to the poverty around me, but I’m not sure that is it. I think this has just become life and they have become my brothers.

I wish I had a great question to leave you with or a brilliant point to make in conclusion, but maybe I can make a challenge. Take a homeless person to lunch. Mentor a kid. Find a single mom to help out. But don’t do it as charity. Make them your family. I’m not even sure exactly what that means but I have this strange feeling it could change the world.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed and leave a comment!