More Than Fine…

What do I want to be when I grow up?

// March 12th, 2010 // 9341 Comment »http://www.chrissulli.com/what-do-i-want-to-be-when-i-grow-up/What+do+I+want+to+be+when+I+grow+up%3F2010-03-12+18%3A50%3A27chrissulli // Life

The more people my age I talk to, the more I realize none of us know what we want to be when we grow up. I can’t really speak for whether that was or still is true of the generations that came before us, although, I would guess it is. What does differentiate our generation is not just our discontent with the rat race and the corporate ladder, but our willingness to reject it and find our own path. Our generation is turning to community service, philanthropy and social entrepreneurship to fill all the needs and desires that money, power and all the goodies that came along with them couldn’t fill. And while I’m excited to see my generation turn to things I consider to be more morally upright, I won’t we be surprised at all if they find their new pursuits equally unfulfilling in the end. So I just have to wonder when we will stop turning to things of this world and start turning to God.

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My Illusion of Security

// March 10th, 2010 // 9325 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/my-illusion-of-security/My+Illusion+of+Security2010-03-10+13%3A23%3A00chrissulli // Faith, Life

The last few days have provoked a lot of thought and thankfully a little writing (finally!). One of the most striking acknowledgements has been that of my own mortality. Not through any tragedies or close calls but just through the stories and testimonies of others. Somehow having avoided almost all tragedy or drama in life, the possibility of anything going wrong or of my human frailty seem foreign. But in a talk by Os Guinness today, it struck me that our security is an illusion that can be pulled out from under us at any moment. So while my soul is secure in Christ, my Earthly security is a house of cards and my faith comes with no promises of a long and peaceful life. Rather than causing fear or concern, I feet encouraged. “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27:1) I have a keen awareness today that we don’t have any idea how much time we have left and we need to live every moment to the fullest. What the fullest means and what stewardship requires is a ponderance for another today. Don’t wait for tomorrow for tomorrow may never come.

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On Writing

// February 12th, 2010 // 9313 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/on-writing/On+Writing2010-02-12+15%3A53%3A10chrissulli // Uncategorized

Writing… lost without it, yet so difficult. Is practice the answer? Is fear the problem? Words and thoughts trapped inside you, screaming to get out, but unwilling to leave your mind and obediently enter your computer or paper. But how lost we feel when we don’t write. How tragic the unconsidered and unexamined life.

Something about writing is therapeutic, in an I feel better when it is over, but that was completely miserable kind of way. Maybe it is because writing forces us to tame thoughts and ideas that we would prefer to ignore. It forces us to process thoughts that are inconvenient or difficult. Something about seeing words challenges us to question the validity of the thoughts that seemed so logical in our minds and to think more clearly about the conclusions and ramifications. The illogical often seems illogical in the obscurity of our minds.Writing moves words from the dark into the light. Half baked sentiments and ideas reach full maturity or die a quick death when tested in the light. I’m convinced an idea can only grow so far in our heads before it needs to be replanted elsewhere if it is to truly grow mature and bear fruit.

And thus the struggle continues… between the escapable calling and the difficulty of action.

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Silence

// January 14th, 2010 // 92911 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/silence/Silence2010-01-14+05%3A06%3A35chrissulli // Uncategorized

My whole life there has always been a logical next step. As a high school senior, Ivy League football was a logical next step, an opportunity to get a great education and keep playing football. As a college senior, investment banking was a logical next step, an opportunity to get paid a lot of money and learn a lot, and it was a tremendous stepping stone to just about anything I could possibly want to do next.

Then I deviated from the path, but that step too was clear to me. I knew I didn’t want to be doing what I was doing and I had a pretty clear vision for what I would like to do. Then one day that exact thing I had envisioned just fell in my lap. Jackpot.

But in deviating from the path I was on, life got more complicated. I added a lot of variables and a lot more choices. The path was simple. After investment banking comes private equity and business school. That takes care of the next 4 or 5 years, at least from a big picture perspective, and I would have just needed to figure out the details.

For the last 25 years of my life, the decisions were always clear. They were planned and made in well in advance. But now things are pretty murky. I could just about anything and there in lies the problem. I don’t have one driving talent or passion. I’m a little too well rounded.

And where I heard the call and had a clear vision before my last decision, now I hear only silence. My heart isn’t crying out or maybe it has just been drowned out by small dreams and my self-imposed limitations on what is possible.

And I can’t help but feel that what I should be doing is drawing closer to God rather than worrying about a job. Seeking him instead of seeking his advice for my next move. But the realities and insecurities of life squeeze tightly and even amidst all the free time and questions, I feel strangely distant when I should be drawing close.

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Readjusting

// December 23rd, 2009 // 9282 Comments »http://www.chrissulli.com/readjusting/Readjusting2009-12-23+22%3A14%3A34chrissulli // Uncategorized

So far things haven’t been too weird. I definitely felt a little antisocial when I first got back but other than than that I haven’t noticed anything too out of the ordinary. I’m sure I have changed, but it doesn’t seem to be making it that hard to readjust. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised since I didn’t feel like it was too big an adjustment when I got to the Dominican. It was what it was and I kept on living life, just in a different country and by slightly different rules.

I think a lot of people expect me to have a completely different perspective on American culture and be overwhelmed by our materialism, especially around the Christmas season, but that hasn’t been the case. As Americans we get some things right and some things wrong, just like everybody else. I didn’t go to the Dominican with an idealized perspective on American culture and any changes I came back with are more nuances and deeper insights rather than any startling revelations.

I did, however, learn a lot about Dominican culture but I’ll get into that later.

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